


Bondage

by hebravelyranaway



Series: Of books, mischief and murder [2]
Category: Highlander: The Series, Loki - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Community: norsekink, Crack, Gen, Loki earns his title as God of Mischief, Loki is such a drama queen, This is crack not porn even though it's mentioned, how is that not a tag yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-18 10:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4703312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hebravelyranaway/pseuds/hebravelyranaway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Methos tries to escape his imprisonment, but ends up scarring the God of Lies with the internet, instead.  A cracky sequel to: "Wherein Loki saves his favorite coffee shop, and accidently saves some of those puny mortals, too".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bondage

**Author's Note:**

> While reading the first story in the series is probably not essential, it will probably make a lot more sense if you do. All you really need to know, though, is that Loki has kidnapped Methos after saving New York City from alien cockroaches. I know, what? But if you can accept never knowing what that's about, totally don't go and read the previous story.

It had been two days since Loki had kidnapped him, and it was probably out of sheer annoyance that he finally gave his permission when Methos asked him for the millionth time if he could have his phone call. (Methos had told him a few hours ago, when he had finally given up trying to escape on his own, that it was a universal law on Midgard that all prisoners got to make one phone call to the outside world. He doubted that Loki had really believed him, but Methos had been desperate enough to say anything, by that time.)

"Fine, but no one is going to be able to get in here to rescue you even if you share my address with the entire realm."

"What? Why?"

"Magic. Honestly, mortal, do you really think I wouldn't have warded my own home?" He gestured to the luxurious penthouse apartment that surprisingly, to Methos, at least, did not in any way resemble a creepy serial killer lair. At _his_ craziest, he'd had a tent decorated with hollowed-out human skulls. But then again, he'd been a barbarian warlord living in the middle of a desert at the dawn of human civilization, not an alien prince accustomed to the finer things in life who had only just gone insane in the last few years of his millennium-long life.

"I don't know. You certainly have hiding in plain sight down," he said, eyeing the tasteful classic décor.

Loki smirked, and inclined his head.

"There's also a shield of pure energy that will come up if by some unlikely occurrence all my wards fail, and _that_ is completely immune to attacks borne from either magic or mortal science. So go ahead and call the Avengers. I daresay that even Thor and the Green Beast will encounter barriers that they can't surmount if they try to rescue you from this place."

Methos scowled stubbornly.

"Fine, I will."

" _Fine_."

"Fine!"

Methos reached into his coat pocket for his smart phone.

"Looking for this?" Loki held it up and casually tossed it to him. Damn. He hadn't even felt him lift it. Not even Amanda could get past him with her tricks. The things he could learn… _no_. Survival came first, learning interesting tricks from the god of lies came in a distant second.

"Thanks," he mumbled, totally not pouting.

Doing a Google search for Avengers + contact brought up some interesting results. Methos curiously clicked on the first link, which claimed to be an official site.

"That's not what I meant by 'contact'," Methos said when a video with several naked, writhing figures filled the screen. Loki came over to see what all the sounds were, took one look at the Thor lookalike, and promptly tried to stab himself in the eye.

Methos sighed and reluctantly decided to intervene, mostly because he doubted it would actually kill Loki and then he would have an injured and grumpy god on his hands.

"I don't care if it makes me look like Odin, I'll never be able to unsee that image," he insisted as Methos was trying to coax him into putting the knife down.

"Literally gouging your eyes out won't affect your memory, unless it kills you."

"It wouldn't," he said, confirming Methos' suspicions. "Also, they would eventually grow back. The only reason Odin's didn't is because he sacrificed it to the Norns."

"See, then there's not much point to this, is there?"

Loki pouted, then vanished the knife into where ever he put the contents of his crazily well-stocked armory when he wasn't using them.

"I never wanted to see Thor that way."

"That wasn't really Thor," Methos consoled.

"He looked enough like him to give me nightmares for several months. Perhaps I shall curse the people who made that film into seeing _their_ siblings being taken from behind by someone in a horribly realistic Hulk costume, and see how _they_ like it."

…Actually, Methos was totally onboard with that plan. It sounded hilarious.

"You're not going to tell me that that's a tasteless joke, and I shouldn't do it?" Loki said with the air of someone who had heard the same thing many times before.

"I would never say anything is tasteless. I'm just that easily amused."

"Good."

 

A few days later, Methos read in a tabloid paper Loki had gloatingly shoved in front of his face that one of the 'independent film industry's' biggest names had abruptly quit his position, taken holy vows and run away to live in the mountains of Peru as a monk.

Methos did eventually find what was probably the Avengers' real contact information, but seeing as it was on SHIELD's official website, which kept mentioning things like, 'we're the part of SHIELD that is totally not HYDRA', and 'No, really, we're not HYDRA', Methos didn't quite trust it. Finally, he gave up trying to contact anyone official, and did what he always seemed to do as of late when he had absolutely no other recourse: he called Duncan Macleod.

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt:
> 
> For whatever reason, the Avengers are away from Midgard (perhaps off helping the Guardians of the Galaxy idk) leaving New York undefended. Sadly, the newest big bad finds this out and sees this as the perfect opportunity to wipe out humanity. Chaos ensues with them unleashing a deadly army and arming a bomb, whatever else takes your fancy.
> 
> Well, Loki doesn't appreciate that at all - he's grown quite attached to that little coffee shop on the corner an the tailor three blocks over...not to mention the little patisserie near the park...
> 
> Cue Loki stepping in to save the day, taking out the army and dismantling the bomb (doing it the old-fashioned way at that - no magic to make it disappear). All without breaking a sweat.
> 
> He didn't expect people to appreciate it because no one in Asgard ever has, dismissing what he achieved as nothing more than tricks, but the people of Midgard LOVE him. Suddenly, he knows just what it feels like to be a hero...and he likes it.
> 
> Bonus: By the time the Avengers show up, Loki has the. Villain bundled up at his feet and is surrounded by his adoring fans. He tells them all quite casually that he is their newest Avenger.  
> Bonus 2: he tells an excited Thor that this is not for him but for Midgard, thank you very much and he still hates Thor. Whether he means it or not is up to you.


End file.
